Scatter

Scatter
Scattered feeling

Monday, November 2, 2015

Groups return

Kindred spirits yet so different
The world of the soul
Sees no distinction between one and the other
Yet on re-entering life the differences
That they once saw
Those differences will return
The context will continue

And thus we find old histories returning
That aware though we might be
We wholly participate
This state we call blindness
So though we know and correctly identify
Things as wrong
Unpleasant hurtful
Bad greedy
Undesirable
We go that path again
When young we are truly childlike
Closest to our spiritual selves
Come pain, come tears, come bitterness
And we lose ourselves again

But nothing is in isolation
Life forms the contexts we return to
Bonds with animals, will remain
To be refreshed anew

In this story, the entire family returned
One demanding, one silent, giving in
One eager to please, one fighting
One a victim through it all
Ignored again, but pivotal
Each one get a chance again

Thursday, August 27, 2015

Brief return

Sometimes we try and try, searching and not finding
And we rest and we reflect
Yet, there is some doubt, 'Oh, I must return to check'

So it was for this soul, it had lived and lost
And lived and lost, lost what, it could not recall
But with that sense of loss, it awoke
It was drawn from golden slumber

The land was familiar but it was changed
Lush green now where there had been barren rock
People walked along at great speed
In places that had been empty, devoid
It looked around, neither understanding nor noticed

It returned to rest

A life cut short (repeat)

He walked along the rocky undulating path, stopping every once in a while to peer carefully into the distance. Surely, they would take the same route and not the roundabout one. He watched for signs of movement but apart from rolling dust, there was nothing. The sun had burnt the rocks white, thorny scrub straggled in the dry heat.

He stopped for a swig of drink and waited. His nostrils burnt as heat cascaded inside with his very breath, he coughed involuntarily. Heat does things to us, plays with our vision. Was that a carriage in the distance? It had been there one moment, now nothing. There was no sound of approaching hooves or ambient disturbance. He wiped his brow and shut his eyes for a moment.

His mouth was parched, he took another swig. Though he wore only a rough cloth, he had fashioned a sturdy belt and a pouch out of skin, it kept the drink well. His priorities were clear.

Why had he come this far, taking all this trouble, oh yes, he wanted to tell his friend the plight of the people. He wanted to ask for money, some help if possible. He must not stutter when speaking, he must explain clearly. It was imperative that he do this before they reached the village and its people.
Too many wagging tongues tipped with poison waited back there.

But as he stood on this barren rocky path a wave of doubt overcame him. Would his friend listen or even agree? Will he doubt my words?

He saw movement, yes, it was a carriage, the slopes were higher than he had realized. Was somebody else inside, an unknown stranger or some trader? What if the information had been wrong, he panicked. Should he turn and walk back?

The carriage showed up again, taking a turn around a ridge. ‘Ah, is that a sign? That must be him.’ He made to go forward so he could stop the carriage but decided against it. He would wait right here until the carriage reached him. He would wave beforehand so that the driver would stop. He turned his attention idly to the horizon as he thought about the coming conversation. There was a shaded outcrop in the middle of the flatland. He sat there and waited.

He thought about the situation. Would they all have to move away from that place? It seemed cursed. What of the children? He had seen them, all burning with fever, a fever that would not subside. Frightened parents came to him. They believed he had magic in his hands. Why, one cool touch of his hand and the sickest of patients felt better immediately. They missed that the dying died anyway. The crying child continued to cry. He explained, there was no magic in his palms merely temporary relief. They were frantic, too frantic to care. Besides, who else would help them?

Yes, his hands had always been cool. Even when the weather was hot and dry, his hands were cool. When eyes were weary with the day’s labour, they came by asking that he cup their eyes with his hands. And he willingly did it. When someone was grieving or distressed, they would sit with him. He would wash his hands and pray silently as he covered their eyes. His hands were blessed they said. It made their pains melt away, gave temporary reprieve. His hands had the touch of goodness. They swore by it.

But there were those who spoke ill of him. They did not like his ways, why do you go to him for help, they asked. He gives no food, no hope, does little work but partakes of our meagre quantities. They forbade his entry to their homes even if the dying called for his presence. He would wait outside, who knew someone may let him hold the dying hand and sometimes they did. But those who believed came to him anyway.

He was no saint, no healer. He had no promise to make and that was what they did not like. If someone received strength from his presence, he was happy to let them.

His friend had asked him to take care of his trade when he was away. He was glad for it and did his job willingly. But all that had been before...

A message had reached him, his friend was cutting short his travels and returning now.

The carriage was closer and he got up waving at the driver to stop once they were closer. The driver turned to speak with someone within and after some conversation, waved back to indicate that he would. 

He stood up and noticed a group of people were standing at the far end, why, he had been looking in that direction all this time. The horizon had been devoid of movement. Had they appeared out of nowhere?

The carriage was close by, the driver was slowing down with much clatter. He looked within; it was his friend all right. He thanked his stars.

‘Come in,’ his friend beckoned, beaming in delight. He’d had a successful visit to the nearby towns. He had left with some trepidation and felt happy about the ready acceptance he had received. There had been some murmurs no doubt, secret groups that did not like his presence but they wielded no power.

‘Tell me, friend, why have you come all this way to meet me? Surely, we could have met at my home,’ the friend spoke. He was a rich and successful tradesman. The soft cloth that he wore belied a tough heart and a keen mind. His eyes narrowed as he continued, ‘I had left you in charge of my warehouse, is all well?’ The beaming mask was gone. Hard suspicion took its place.

‘That’s part of the reason I needed to speak with you before you arrived at your home,’ the words came tumbling out. ‘I had to use some of the money to care for the children.’

‘Some or all? I have heard that you barely stopped short of opening up the place to marauders. I would have stayed for longer but returned as soon as I heard about…’ there seemed to be a disturbance outside. The friend’s voice was low, he could barely be heard.

‘I-I’m sorry, I had to give away some of the money it was an emergency,’ he tried to explain and raised his voice as the disturbance grew louder. ‘There is a sickness, a terrible sickness, children, they are dying. They cry for days burning with fever, then their crying stops and they are lifeless. I am tending to seven children in my home, I do not know what to do, we needed milk, some bread, but...’

The tone was cold, ‘One month, you were in charge for one month and in that time you have wiped me out, is that what you are trying to tell me?’

‘No, you are not wiped out,’ he would understand when he reached the village. Maybe their meeting had been premature. He wanted to explain the horror back home but…

The rattling of the coach had stopped. ‘Hey!’ his friend exclaimed as he looked out of the window.

‘Get down now! You get out now!’ the sound came from a distance. Some people were hurrying towards them. They held long sticks of the type one would use to walk afar.

His friend fell back in his seat and looked around wide-eyed. An angry crowd!

‘You have killed our children,’ someone screamed.

‘But, I am returning only now,’ the friend replied. 'How could I do anything to your...'
‘Not YOU! HE, he came here to escape from us, we saw him leave and knew something was amiss. We went to his house. All our children have died. All! He promised to cure them, he promised, we trusted him with our children’s lives!’

‘NO! Please I understand your distress, let me explain...'

But they would not listen, ‘We came to you for help and you stood by. You did not help, just waited for our children to die, come out!’ they screamed.

He turned to his cowering friend, ‘I will get down and explain it to them. I am sure they will understand. You go ahead.’

The friend shook his head, as though to dissuade him but no words came out. He opened the carriage door and stood at the top stair above the crowd, how many were they, almost 30 or 60. He looked closely at them. None of the fathers of the dead children was here, they would have vouched for him. He had never promised a cure. All along, he had wanted them to find medicine.

‘I am sorry about the death of the children.’

‘No, come down, you cannot get away.’

‘Wait!' he commanded, ' I am not trying to get away, I am returning to our village,’ and the crowd stopped speaking. ‘It is a sickness, a sickness like we have never seen before. We must leave this place for some darkness is upon it, a darkness we do not comprehend. If we are to save our children, our very selves, we must leave. But before we do that, some of us must travel ahead and get help. There are doctors who may be able to save us, save our children.’

A lull descended on the crowd, the horse shifted slightly, the carriage shook and he descended the stairs.

The sun was in his eyes as he looked into the surrounding sea of faces. He saw fear, grief, anger, ‘I have not caused the sickness or death, my abilities are inadequate. Just a soft touch that is all I have.'

The crowd was undecided, it stepped back in understanding that their heartbreak was greater than this man could help them with.

He relaxed now, ‘I take your leave my friends,’ a flash of steel or was it silver that lit the air. He bowed in respect, as though to say, goodbye for now, we shall meet again. 

When it hit his neck, he felt a shock but knew no pain. Maybe he felt the scurry and cries that ensued, the shouting and chaos, the quiet trundle of the carriage. Maybe he was dead when it happened. What did it matter?

It was brilliant gold. No discomfort, no heat. Pure peace, only peace.

It waited now as it had many times before.

A New Place, A New Dream

I pick my way carefully
Stumbling along the rocks
Stifling heat everywhere
Earth scorched white
I walk my path

I recognize the faces, the warm welcomes
Freeze into coldness,
Yet, from afar, I thought them known
I look at them again, a flurry in my mind
They stand unmoving

I was alone, itinerant, maybe
I had a skill, my hands, they had a healing touch
Pain-filled eyes they came to me
One touch, they murmured, one touch
And I obliged, knowing well,
That the coolness I bore was their elixir
Feverish brows, minds straying noisily
One touch of my hand lent calm quiet
Peaceful sleep they earned, sometimes as a prequel to death

Some magic in those hands, they said
They trusted me to heal their pains
In return, I believed in them
I longed to belong, I was kind
I yearned for kindness
Yet there were those who feared me
He bears unnatural equanimity
He watches when death is near
He does not tremble, as we do, in fear

People talk, Oh you must see, that hand is a healer's
And a voice turns with eyes of old hate
Charlatan, it spits, Liar!
Healer indeed, steals your women's hearts
While you welcome him to your homes
You do not know the lies he speaks
When all of us are away
His abilities are not of this earth
Watch him closely, that is what I say

And doubt is born
Her gaze should be only my due
And soon that doubt it churns within
Growing into gnawing suspicion

They would not come to me, forbade their wives
Their young and I thought to move on
But someone stayed my hand
Take care of my land while I am gone
I will be away for long
And thinking that a route was found, I stayed

But the winds change
Bearing life one moment
Bringing death the next
They wail, they pray, they rend their eyes
There is no place for hope
I turn away sadly, there are more lying here
They call out to me, come help us
And I willingly let them take my hand

What is this curse the wind gods bring?
Snatching life even from the merest sighs
We are hardy, the terrain makes us so

We can take long deprivation, yet… death is everywhere

Sunday, August 23, 2015

The Lightness of Death

Our lives have passed us now
We see each other in recognition
We know each other as one
We are equals on this plane

We are surrounded by white light
A state of nothingness, of unknowing
No memory troubles us here
Comforting lightness, yet unattached
We await the force that draws us
Back to it all

When we return, we are as if new
Unknowing again of where we go
Notions, ideas, rules have changed
As though with every turn of axis

A new wind blows, it's never the same

The game seems familiar,
Our roles revised
Rules, ideas freshly defined
Boundaries re-drawn, all over again
As though to start a new life
Must we rid old pain

Evolution, cyclicality, call it what you may
This plane changes it gets better we say
Life offers nothing, something, everything
The thought of the time defines it

Yet the ways of the old remain
Old feelings bare themselves
Rush back to the fore
Overwhelming us, quite as before







Monday, August 17, 2015

Others Speak

It was an internal matter, a family situation
We gave our views, we weighed the options
One cannot fall back on fleeting emotion
After all, it is the family's name, its fortunes

He was elder, the male, the one who must bear
What is wrong if the younger one shares
For the family's benefit, he must forbear
He is young, this burden is for the elders to bear

His failure lay in that he did not tell
Carried away by her cares and baby coos
Women are like that, great feelings they show
It was his place to demand and her place to know

One may force the hand of fate
But fate's decree will win
If it is time for the name to end
We have to wait, maybe it will re-surge

Monday, August 10, 2015

Death appears (The voice of the Weak)

Do you judge me as weak as my uncle had done
I have lost my wife and my only son
They sneer me down now
But they had agreed with me then

You see, I believed we were one family,
A unit that would always be
Our own uncle, my brother and a few elders
Including our priest and the trusted astrologer
Had sat me down to explain quite plainly
That the baby, my son, was not solely mine
He was the son of a larger group
Nothing would change, nothing at all
This eldest, my first born would benefit
From my elder brother's largesse

They reminded me that I was but
A younger dependent though male
Obedience, adherence was in my blood
I understood, I obeyed
I felt complete, when an elder was there
Always quick to nod, to appease, to agree
The voices of power, I did well to please
It had worked well, I can vouch for that
Until,... until my time turned bad

How could the astrologer not have known
That the deed of my brother was wrong
How could the priest and my uncle stay quiet
When they knew I would not know to fight
The ceremony will cement the child's rights
They smiled approval while I gave my life

I should have told her, my mouth knew no words
She's your wife, they told me, she has to obey
Besides, she will have the baby with her every day
Why did he take the child forcefully, why didn't I stop him
In that fog, I did not understand the game being played
My wife, I hate that word, wife,
She let me down, offering herself openly

Little did I know what happens in women's quarters
Later, that accursed maid, spoke to me with reddened eyes
And told me the truth of my wife's state without child
I had sold my own in the hope of gain, she said accusingly
I had abandoned the one life that depended on me
Why do you cry now, you caused this to happen
You call yourself weak, the world knows you're the villain

I did not know! I had been sheltered under my elder's care
The world looks different when viewed from the shade
But I have learned that when the rock caves in
It drags down all those sheltering within
It may have taken joy out of your life but in its eyes
It owes you nothing at all, you are but a parasite

Was I weak as they called me, do you judge me that way?
I did not know better, that is all I can say

I have had my say after all these years
She appears before me, I feel no fear
She seems to understand my quiet turmoil
There, I see her, I grab out a hand
Only to be caught and held back
I am falling, yes, she is there for me
I hold no regret, no sadness
I am free